This essay is among a series of articulate documentation written by the highly esteemed Dr. Bernard Bail, written from the work he has performed with his patients.
This particular essay captures a period of intense emotional turmoil and introspection for Dr. Bail, as he navigates the complexities of his family life and his professional endeavors with his journey through the filming of a documentary. Through the lens of vivid dreams and their subsequent analysis, he offers a glimpse into the transformative power of self-awareness and the guidance of the unconscious.
In the period of time before these dreams occurred, I was involved with two different area of challenging endeavor. One was related to considerations about the movie “ And Now, Love”, having to do with avenues where helpful development and reliable support for it’s promulgation could be realized, and the other, issues having to do with each of the members of my family. It appeared that there was an emergence of rather tense feelings about me and my wife, as well as between one another member in general. While a considerable degree of frustration filled my interpersonal arena, the ultimate resolution of the origins and complexity of this constellation of feelings would take time, thought, patience, understanding, as well as considerable compassion for each of the members of my family.
DREAM 1:
“I had driven off to work in my usual car at the usual time on a Monday morning. Some distance from my home I remember that I had totally forgotten to relocate my other two cars, (both Lincoln Navigators) from in front of my home, to the opposite side of the street due to Monday being a street sweeping day, with fines levied by the City, for failure to produce an unencumbered street upon which the street sweeping equipment would, in all likelihood, operate.
Though I was experiencing considerable pressure due to the morning traffic, and having to get back to my office with a packed schedule, and little time to spare, I could not erase from my mind my failure to do what I had done for many years each Monday morning unless a National Holiday nullified the schedule. As I pulled up to my home I see that it is structurally other than it is in reality. In the dream it is a two story home, where in reality, my current home is a single story one. In addition, the home in the dream hosts a different style architecture, with far less detail incorporated into its design, than my current one does.
On my way in to the house I fail to see the two Navigators, but in their place is parked a single beige cream car reminiscent of one I owned almost fifty years ago. Crossing a lawn, I see, draped over large leafed plant two identical sets of SILVER keys. Each set is a set unto itself comprising four connected rings in total. Their outlines were reminiscent of two figure eights, and made up of a general assortment of car, house, garage, and various lock keys. In that there were four individual rings, the number of keys totaled about forty. The keys were unfamiliar to me, and I hadn’t a clue as to who they might have belonged to, or what they might have provided one access to.
For some unknown reason, perhaps their being left in place overnight, or dampened by a water sprinkler, the keys bore beads of water upon all of their surfaces. I gathered the two silver sets up, and proceeded to find my wife upstairs within the house. Handing her the keys I explained why I had returned home, and what I was going to do with our two cars, which I did not see. I also asked her about the keys that I had found, and who they might have belonged to, or how they got to where I found them, but I don’t recall an answer from her. In the dream, while she is the same woman today, as she was fifty years ago, she looked fifty years younger, and unchanged from the way she appeared in my life when our two children were quite young.”
While there were overwhelming feelings of confusion and consternation at the beginning of the dream, there appeared feelings of clarity and focal intent and work to be done at the end.
DREAM 2:
“It is dawn, and I am driving alone in my car, perhaps a vintage bronze Infinity that I own, onto a declining on ramp approaching a wide multi lane freeway. Rather than it being a simple singular ramp, it appeared that as I traversed its downward course, other ramps would present themselves in an ongoing succession. I did not recall any other cars on the ramps, and only a few cars appeared to be coursing the freeway in the same direction I was committed taking. I could see in front of me that an unfamiliar wide expansive valley was coming into view and soon I would be coursing into an unencumbered and unfamiliar terrain.
Though this specter of the terrain appearing in front of me occupied my overall attention, what appeared to be immediately commanding in the dream was the overall driving experience that was embracing my journey. It was as though I was being guided. For, as I drove smoothly from one on-ramp to the next on-ramp in succession, each Y shaped juncture was cordoned with white traffic cones in such a way that I was prevented from veering off the path into some unknown hinterland. Flawlessly, I was coursing in a smooth descending fashion onto the freeway proper.”
DISCUSSION:
In questioning the setting of the first dream as related to its temporal setting, though rife with current angst, it appeared that my past experiences and setting were being revealed. I was given the opportunity to visit my past interpersonal life and the effects that my UNCONSCIOUS state of mind, fashioned for me by my own mother, visited upon my wife and children.
In the dream, the home denoted an early time, when I was a new husband and father. My feeling relationships appeared quite simple and straight forward, though this was clearly not the case. Neither my wife nor I had a NAVIGATOR, and I went about in a juvenile, unaware (vintage) fashion, unknowing about the emotional effects my own tormented upbringing visited upon my wife and family unconsciously.
In the dream, I knew that I was remiss, and potentially in trouble, and needed quickly to do something to ward off an adverse outcome. On the way into my home, I find the two sets of keys times two, or four sets of answers, which I take receipt of. They are silver (of feminine) origin, maternal, and unconscious (wet/water), and each bunch holds the answers to the suffering, restrictions and obstructions that each of the members of our family have acquired from me, and my wife. In the dream, I find them on our property, and I hand them to her to examine as well. Certainly, one of the sets must belong to her, with answers that arise from her own maternal history. Clearly, now that we have Navigators, (dreams, and the person (Dr Bail), to understand them), freedom from parental imprisonment is possible for everyone.
It would appear, from the second dream, that now that I have taken possession of my omissions and commissions from the above, though more detailed work is ahead of me, (I have to get back to work), that I am being guided on the road to freedom. It does appear to be, though unfamiliar, in plain sight.
Of course, what does it feel like to be unobstructed? That will surely be discovered as I push on into the spacial expanse before me.
COMMENTARY:
I would say that the patient’s summary is a neatly explained narrative of his psychological life. It must be repeated that starting from their marriage, neither person had a Navigator (Analyst).
Both of these people have been mightily psychologically damaged, and like most of us, did not know that. They went years before the vicissitude of life compelled them to seek therapy, which was a good thing for them and their children.
He writes as if he understands that in the end, the findings of his psychological state are his responsibility and further, the findings of his wife’s are hers.
Every psychoanalyst would be happy to hear that. What remains to be seen, is it really true? This can only be proved by revealing the further content of their lives.
The keys represent symbolically the keys to the truth of the unconscious. The key to their problems lay in the minute inspection of their dreams, and as there are four keys, they represents one key for each family member.
The color silver represents the feminine. And only through the feminine can healing occur.
So far, so good.
The dream of hitting the road is of great importance because it denotes that he is no longer in control, but that spirit is in control. So, he is being guided by spirit to get on the right road, the truth that lies within him.
ADDENDUM:
The next dream that the patient presented was that he was walking on an unknown terrain. He was walking along a fence of staves which he termed to be sensors. He was looking for a way out but he did not find one. There ensued the conversation between us, in which he mentioned he is not to receive love in this lifetime. It is true. That is his imprint and the sensors are the internal saboteur. But the evidence is that the three women in his life do love him. He said he gets only complaints from them. I said, his imprint allows only complaints to be heard. He never learned what love sounds like. Since that is the case, all he hears are complaints, which make his life miserable.
I suggested to him that the dream is saying that there is no way out of his imprint, that knowing that this is his imprint, to make an opening in the fence is his responsibility. He has to make an effort to get himself a decent, happy, life. No one else can do that.
Copyright © Bernard W. Bail, M.D.
July 2019
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