On The Way To Feelings

This essay by Dr. Bernard Bail explores the interplay between feminine and masculine aspects of the unconscious mind through symbolic dream analysis. He describes a series of dreams investigating how to reconcile these polarities within oneself, emphasizing integration of the unconscious for balanced evolution.

Dream 1

The author is seated at a wooden table opposite an elderly man. The table displays a striking contrast: white adhesive tape, white paper, and a three inch high mound of semi-damp, starkly black papaya seeds, creating visual tension. The epiphany comes that the seeds represent the feminine while the flat sheet of white paper symbolizes the masculine, with feelings serving as the adhesive bonding them together.

The author questions the man’s identity and whether this teaching is truly new, wondering about overcoming his Maternal Imprint that discouraged seeking feminine nourishment or development.

A movie mentioned — Kill Chain with Nicolas Cage — depicts two equally-matched street fighters with dark pasts who join forces and emerge triumphant. This parallels the author’s work.

Dream 2

The dream takes place in a veterinarian’s office with calming sky-blue décor. The author and his wife recount a “Kill Chain”-like narrative of surviving violent assaults through using physical and mental assets. Dr. Bail interprets this as representing parental wounding, noting that “babies know everything” despite conventional beliefs, and that the couple’s creative capacities enabled their escape from spiritual impoverishment.

The author reflects on Dr. Bail’s impending retirement after forty years, triggering unconscious responses.

Dream 3

The author is helping an unfamiliar woman fit a mass of “reds and greys” material (resembling food stuffing, or meat) into a malleable yarn container. Despite repeated attempts, only partial fitting occurs. The author experiences frustration and desperation as time runs out.

Dr. Bail identifies this as stemming from infancy — the author’s mother had inverted nipples and emotional unavailability, creating an impossible bonding experience the infant internalized as a harbinger of death.

Dream Image 1

The author is outdoors approaching a white van. Inside, an Asian woman in an off-white gown or robe lies on her left side with a powerfully clear complexion radiating a golden sheen. Their eyes meet intensely — first appearing she watches with her right eye, then left — creating confusion but unbroken connection. A faint, but definite smile emerges as the author feels mysteriously connected.

Dream Image 2

The author is alone in a well-lit room when a door opens to reveal a middle-aged Caucasian man in a pressed brownish colored officer’s military uniform with decorative ribbons and a woven sash. He stands erect and powerfully present, wordless but suggesting he should not be trifled with — a trustworthy figure of considerable merit.

These contrasting images balance each other: the woman Eastern and reclined versus the man Western and upright; her white robe versus his brown uniform; her invitational smile versus his cautionary tenseness.

The evening before these dream images, the author discussed with his daughter her plans for a second child, exploring natural conception with Chinese medicine and acupuncture versus in vitro fertilization if needed.

Final Dream

The author is in a room with several unknown people when his daughter approaches with a clinical problem. Extending her arm, she reveals a mysterious fleshy form protruding from her wrist — about quarter-sized, pouch-like, pulsatile, possibly attached to the radial artery. Its rough surface mystifies the author, resembling ancient Egyptian hieroglyphic or Hebraic scribing. The daughter looks to him for answers about this growth and remedies.

Awakening confused about meaning, the author considers how anatomical presentations communicate physiologic messages. The pulsatile quality suggests “an intersection, or pay attention,” while the ancient reference perplexes him.

Dr. Bail’s interpretation states: “The heavens above have ordained it!” The pulse represents life coming from above, fulfilling creation as “it has been so through time.”

Dr. Bail’s Commentary

Dr. Bail notes the patient has begun incorporating the feminine into dream life. He questions whether white paper truly represents the masculine, since paper comes from trees (feminine in Portuguese). He acknowledges contradictions are “allowable in the unconscious.”

Regarding Dream 2, Bail identifies both the author and wife as having terrifying prenatal existences causing unconscious wounds without visible marks. Violence emerged slowly for conscious evaluation. He observes neither hero nor heroine achieves marriage, questioning whether a more intimate future connection is possible.

The wool in Dream 3 represents the mother — soft and warm yet impossible as an actual fetal container. This failure likely remained unresolved until now.

Regarding the series’ highly symbolic nature, Bail advises the author needs to continue letting his unconscious work on ultimate meanings. The core issue remains: the author must allow the feminine unconscious into his psyche. In the white truck dream, seeing the feminine unconscious isn’t sufficient. The soldier represents a higher state of mind — a caution against trifling with the Divine. The daughter’s pedunculate growth symbolizes male-female union representing “the mystery of the pulse of life.”

Bail concludes: “The presence of the feminine unconscious is not to be had by using one’s intellect … the patient has got to relax and wait for that state to happen to him.”

Copyright © Bernard W. Bail, M.D., December 2019