From the Doors to the CEO's Chair: Christina Simos on Friendly House, Women's Recovery, and Healing as Liberation

Transcript auto-generated from the episode audio; formatting has been cleaned up, but wording is verbatim.

20 years ago, a life saving scholarship brought Christina Simos through the doors of Friendly House. Today she's running the whole place. I walk through those doors terrified. That was when the journey back to myself started. And we get to witness each other. Go from the depths of hell to the place of grace is the exact hope that we need special interest. My healing is your liberation. And your healing is my liberation. You never have to be where you are again. I'm Cynthia Marks and I head up the Holistic Psychoanalysis Foundation established by my late husband, Doctor Bernard Bail. Welcome to And Now Love.

20 years ago, a life saving scholarship brought Christina Simos through the doors of Friendly House. Today, she's running the whole place. As CEO, Christina uses her own lived experience and an incredible passion for equity to change the way we look at women's recovery. Her work is a perfect example of what we talk about every single week on this show. Shining a light on people who truly lead with love. When she isn't reinventing health care or serving on national boards, I think you can find her in the studio recording music or even out winning dodgeball championships. I am so excited to talk with her today.

Please welcome Christina Simos. Thank you. I feel very honored. Oh, yeah. I just love the fact that that you brought in the, you know, the things that I do outside of of Friendly House to I love dodgeball. Do you? I want to hear more about that. How did you ever get into dodgeball? It started probably 15 years ago. My son was going to camp, and his camp counselor asked me if I wanted to play dodgeball. And I was like, I am too old for that. Did he ask everyone or just. Just me? Because I, you know, because I was like, I need to do something athletic, competitive, creative because I'm just feeling stuck.

And it was incredibly fun. Anytime you can throw a ball as hard as you can and not get in trouble and listen to music and be in community. I was like, I am in. It was great. Wow. So is there a big dodgeball community here in Los Angeles? Yes. Who knew? We've been traveling the country. My son now is a dodge ball player, and he's on the the USA team. And he'll be playing for USA in Thailand in December. That is awesome. Yeah. It's really it's really a great community. And then you record music. Yes. You know, the from the time I was five years old, I knew that I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to create like I did.

You know, you know, they have those kindergarten things and the. And the kids sing and and the the teacher gave me a solo, and I opened my mouth and people were like, wow. You know, and there was something about that, that reciprocal energy of, you know, something that brings joy. This was a gift. You know, I didn't know it then, but that that gift kept me hopeful about my life. When things got dark over the years and my path did not leave me where I thought it was. But my music still brings me joy. It's been one of those things that without it, I don't know where I'd be. What a lovely thing that you have that to help you get.

Get through. Yeah. What life puts upon us. If you don't mind, do tell us a little bit about yourself, because your story leads up to how you became part of Friendly House. Well, I grew up in the family disease of alcoholism. I didn't know that at the time, but our family, like my father, my father had gone to Vietnam, came back with severe PTSD and a drug and alcohol problem. My mom had been raised in an orphanage from 3 to 11 and then raised by by her her siblings. And, you know, there was there was a lot of self-medicating. You know, no one back in the 70s talked about issues at all, like, you know, and especially especially culturally, it was not safe to go out and talk about your problems.

So everything was kept in house in secret. I grew up understanding that something was not right. I just couldn't I just couldn't put my finger on it. There were a lot of things that happened as a result of looking at generational trauma, how it how it flows down. And I was the one that kept raising my hand whenever I could going. I think there's something very wrong here. So you could see generationally. Wait a minute. This thing continues to carry forward. Yes. I think a lot of us pay no attention to that. Yeah. I mean, from from out the gate, I just had I feel very empathic, like I just feel energy.

And I could see the pain on in my mom's face, on my dad's face, and couldn't figure out how to make it okay. Did you feel like, either consciously or unconsciously, that it was your job to make it okay? Yes, I very much was the parental child again, not having any of this language until much later in life. Right. You know, I just wanted to make things better. I think that's something kids just do. They just innately do that. They need to do what they can to hold the household together so that even they can survive. Yeah. Unfortunately, the family disease became became the thing that ran our our family.

And eventually for me, I took it internally and felt like it would be better off if I wasn't on this planet. So at a young age, I, you know, I think around 15, I just decided that it'd be better if I wasn't here. So that was my first attempt to take my life. I understand now how impactful that would have been had I been sick. You know, it's like I wouldn't have the life I have today. But at that time I was in so much pain and I just didn't have any other way. And I didn't want to hurt anybody else. I just wanted it to be gone. And so after that, I was put in a, you know, like one of those 28 day programs.

And then I was just like, look, if you send me home, we're going to have the same, you know, process again. So I went to this independent transitional living place when I was 16. 5, 16 years old. The thought of this kid living on his own just I mean, no. Yeah, but when you were there. It just seemed. I mean, we're, you know, I'm that Gen-X. You know, I'm 55 years old. We grew up alone. We grew up with those messages at 10:00. Do you know where your kids are? Right. You know, drink it out of hoses. Just, you know, we just survive. So, you know, there was this feeling of, I'm. I'm adult enough. I've been taking care of myself long enough.

And so I left home, and then I traveled. I still wanted to pursue my music, but the fear of not succeeding and having the gift that I felt had been given to me not being utilized. I just put it in the deep recesses and, you know, again, culturally, I, you know, it's like you can't make money off of that. You won't be successful. Go get something so that you can fall back on it. So I started college, and then I wanted to be a journalist because again, when I think about advocacy and trying to make things better, I really wanted to give a different perspective to the things that were being reported on.

And that was that was difficult. I was I went to the Walter Cronkite School of Journalism, and I was the first woman of culture to have a position, a managing editor position. Immediately I was told to to go back to my own country. And I was like. Wait a minute. I mean, last time I checked, I was I started drinking, I tried weed for the first time when I was 24, and then all bets were off. My, my, my brain was was quiet. I didn't care anymore. Would anybody thought this was my solution to to dealing with all of the the pain of being in this world. And it worked for a while. It did what it does to to to people like me who have a predisposition to alcoholism.

It brought me to that place again, where I just didn't want to be on this planet. And this time, when it brought you to that place, was it because you felt so attached to the alcohol and the weed that it was kind of creating your life for you, or were you losing track of what you had thought life was going to be for you? I think it was a combination of everything. And I also had at that time my son was four and a half, and I'm looking at my son and realizing that now I have become my mother. Yeah, I was so in a cycle that I just couldn't get out. You know, my, my default is always like, well, then I just don't want to be here because it's going to be easier for everybody.

I tried to get off of this planet, you know, and I'm so grateful because, you know, my son, to think of the impact of what his life would be like if I wasn't here. Absolutely. And the many lives that I've been able to to impact sense. And for you to be in a, in a place of such despair that that you could perceive that his life might be better without you. Yeah. I mean, when I started on the road of recovery, I did not think that I had value. I did not think that I was worthy. I think everybody has a moment where that question is asked. And why did you choose to be curious about recovery? Because I was all out of ideas.

I tried everything, I tried the holistic reading, the dotted dot, like I tried everything. You know, I think the universe does what the universe does when you're when you're open and ready and brought somebody into my life that said, hey, do you want to try this? And I was like, no. But also I was out of other ideas. And then I ended up at the Friendly House, and that is where my life completely changed. And how did you end up there? Happenstance. It was a piece of paper that had that number on it. You know, I was like, I don't I don't have any idea what I'm doing. I just know if I go home, I'm going to drink again.

And she was like, come to us, you know? And I walked through those doors terrified. The thought of being in an all women's facility scared the crap out of me, because I had just not had great relations with women. You know, I still had a very complicated relationship with my mother. I just felt like girls were were were not safe. I walked through those doors and, you know, this this house, when I think about it, had all the stories of women before in the walls, like, literally, you know, you walk in there and you're just like, whoa. Could you kind of feel that? Yeah. Well, this, this older white lady with pearls and her hair was, you know, and she was like, sweetheart, it's going to be okay.

And I was like. Okay. I don't know. But, you know, something tells me just to stay put. And that's the, the that was when the journey back to myself started. You know, it's been 21 years of being involved with, with Friendly house of of being able to, to have a community where, where we are looking out for each other, where we are doing the things that create a sisterhood. You know, I'd never experienced that. Yeah, well, you were so brave to walk into that house and put yourself in this alien environment with women who you just sort of, you know, your existence had taught you that that was not safe, that you didn't have women to trust, and you walked through that door.

That's a big deal. It is. And for the for the many women that walk through those doors that I've seen over the past 21 years, it's like local home. You never have to be where you are again. Oh my God, you know, and and I can say that because that was my experience. I've had trials and tribulations, but the one constant has been if I need to sit someplace, if I need to talk to somebody, that's been my that's been my home, that's been my home away from home. A lot of work had to be done. A lot of there was a lot of repair that that needed to happen. And I was willing to do the work because I do believe that, like, my healing is your liberation and your healing is my liberation.

And when we get to witness each other go from the depths of how to a place of grace like that is is the exact hope that we need, especially during this time. Yes, 100% agree. So it seems that at the Friendly House, you've you've created an environment where the sharing doesn't become a. Wait. So there's a person listening and a person speaking, and the person listening is also coming from, at least over time, from a place of empathy and compassion, and sometimes because of our own trauma or our own experience, what we're hearing is a trigger or a bigger wait. So how do you help each other with that?

Because I think in order to be really fully compassionate, you, when you're listening, you're you're wearing some of the person you're speaking to story. How does it not become you? How does it not weigh you down? How do you how do you listen and help and not become worn? There's a process we go through, right? First it's like, let's educate you. Let let me help you understand what's happening here and what's happening here. There's this place of let me get you started. Let me help you understand the nature of your of your problem. Let's take these, these, these steps so that you're able to clear a path so that you can find yourself again.

And a lot of it is, is literally modeling, listening. I mean, most of the time people just want to be seen. They just want someone to hear them. Isn't that something that you have to such a such a big lift? Yeah, we don't have to fix it. And then when we're talking about our stories and we can see each other in those stories, like those different periods of either despair or recovery, like there's just this growth that happens in being able to see each other and accept each other, you know, and then, you know, we do simple things. I ask people to be of service because when you spent a lot of time in in addiction, you forget not only who you are, but what you're capable of doing.

You'll lose the discipline. You lose your self-esteem. So by being of service, you get to have a steam able acts which help you build your self-esteem. You have commitments and that makes you show up. Make your bed clean up after yourself, go to a meeting, meet with a mentor. Meet with a sponsor. Meet with. Meet with somebody that can help you go through the process of getting back to yourself. Yeah, of course, there's times when hearing somebody's story or hearing people talk is a trigger, but you know, there's a containment that happens in this in our house and our community where we understand that our job is literally just to hold space.

I'm holding space. And if I can offer you any experience, strength and hope, I'm going to do that. And if I can't, I'm just going to hold space and be like, I see you, sister. Just hearing you say that is warms my heart because many of us have never heard that in our lives. I can't tell you how many times as women, I think that we are conditioned out of the womb to put everybody and everything else above us, that our voice doesn't matter as much as someone else's, that our place is not fully integrated sense of self. It is whatever it takes to survive. When you walk in a Friendly house and I tell you that you do not have to earn love.

You do not have to earn your place, that you are actually whole. You know, it's like most of us grew up in a broken system, but we're not broken. There aren't that many places that I know of that will do that. That's 75 years of legacy. 75. 75 years of working with women, understanding their plight. You're talking about the 50s, right? Yeah. The 50s when when you weren't allowed to speak about having problems like you had direct roles on how you were to be a woman in this world. It's kind of amazing that you started this in the 50s. You would expect that it wouldn't survive, that it would be shut down because of what you just said.

Yeah. B Jorgenson was the founder of of this. You had to think about this. It was a radical, radical move for her to to a get sober B go. I see a problem like women didn't have a place to go. And for her to to go to the the sober community and go, we need to do something about this and open up this house was unimaginable at that time. Totally. And that she would find support is unimaginable. Yeah. Well, that's why, you know, just like the dodgeball community, the sober community is, first of all, you've got people from all walks of life, all genders, all classes, like coming in with one single primary purpose.

And that is to get sober and to help somebody else get sobriety. That's it. That's our primary purpose. So when somebody needs help, we offer that hand. And those those folks got together and and bought Friendly House. And for 34 years B Jorgensen ran this home for women. And then when she passed Peggy Albrecht who was the executive director, when I walked through those doors, the pearls, the pearls. Yes. She was only going to be there for six months until they found a replacement. And then 33 years later, when she passed. She was there for 33 years. Those two women were in Friendly House for 67 years, and there's only been four executive directors at for 75 years.

Like that speaks to the power and the sacredness of of that house and the work we do. It's not something that you can put in a bottle. We're working in a model that doesn't fit who we are. You know, it takes time to heal. You know, this idea that you're going to heal years, years of trauma, addiction, whatever else in 28 days, in 60 days. Just think about that. It's a lie. Yeah. They give this to people and say, go to treatment for 30 days and you'll be okay. Yeah. It just manages the symptoms. The recovery is in the rooms. The recovery is in community. The recovery requires that that that you really take inventory of how you operate, who you are, how things affect you.

What do you need to to do to to like, clear a path so that you can actually be whole? So what is it that happens at the Friendly House that doesn't happen elsewhere? You are you're the the first all woman treatment recovery. Thank you. And here you are, all these decades later doing something very, very well that doesn't seem to be easily had. What what happens. When a woman comes in? We welcome her. It's actually very simple. Like, I see you where you are. I understand you because I've got, like, decades of experience working with the various stages that women go through on their journey to addiction and into recovery.

We also tell you that if you're going to be here, you're going to do work that requires a a willingness for you to be willing to just do some of the things. And it's simple stuff like, right, you get up at the same time, you make your bed. You know, we do meditation in the morning and then we sit, we read a book and we talk about how like we see ourselves in this book, which then helps us be able to identify how we operate now. Right. You know, it's just like going to school. And what's in this book? It is the I mean, it's the 12 steps of of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, it has been the one through line for the past 75 years, you know, and it teaches me to uncover, discover, discard.

It teaches me to understand, like what the nature of my of my disease is and how do I treat it? And a lot of it is unity, fellowship and service and to not be a jerk. That's a big one. You know. And we do this, but there's another there's another thread that we offer instantly, which is community and family, healthy family. We have a group where we talk about the roles that we've played in our life, in our family system, and because that always plays out when you're living with people, right? Like, oh, I've adopted this. And and so getting them to see how they again operate and move and giving them the tools that they need to be able to move differently.

And again, like I said, it takes it takes time. But when you come from the authentic place of love and we just want to see you get better, there is an ease that comes with that. I feel because I've worked in other places where, you know, people are like this a lot, like I don't, you know, because they don't feel safer contained or yes, like, can you actually meet me where I am? And most of us have lived experience. Yes. I've actually been in your seat. I've actually cried those tears. I've actually, you know, blah blah, blah. This is how I got through those things. And in that identification, you're building a relationship, a healthy one, one that is one that is going to be with you for as long as you as you choose to.

I have people that I've known since I got sober still, still in community with each other. And we could go six months, eight months a year, you know, without seeing each other. But as soon as we do, it's it's just like the same because there's just a common. Like we went through the fire together and and we're still here. When you come to this place where you trust that you're in a loving environment, I imagine that requires a different amount of time for any individual. And when you came to the Friendly House, well, you said it was pretty clear it wasn't going to be your your avenue. Yeah. What did it take or what did it feel like when you finally felt that kind of love and real, authentic support where no one's trying to fix you.

Again and again and again? I kept almost like testing the people around me. Are you really going to be there? What if I act like this? What if I say this? What if I don't do this? What if I'm a jerk and a continuous jerk? Are you still going to be there? They just kept saying that we love you and you don't have to be like this. You can actually have a different experience, but you're going to have to. You're going to have to stop. Fighting, jerk. Yeah. Stuff fighting us. You know, if you can, if you can lay down your defenses long enough to experience the love that's here, you might you might just get well.

So you probably heard that a few times before you took them up on it. Multiple times. And I got to tell you, like, my default is I don't trust. And I had to protect myself. That's my default. And if I if I don't remind myself of where I've come, you know, and who's around me, I'd go right back to that. I'll say, hey, remind me I'm okay. I'm enough, I have love. It is a work. It just that's the journey, right? The journey. But I love that you feel so good about being your authentic self that you can say to someone else, remind me when I'm being triggered and you see me going this way. I mean, that's that's a lot.

Most of us don't have the capacity to call for that kind of help, to ask someone to see us that way. We grew up in a time where you just didn't ask for help. No. You don't ask for help. You don't tell your problems. You don't do any of those things. I've had to unlearn that because again, when I'm isolated and alone and I feel like there's nobody there to support me, I'm exhausted. I get burnt out. I don't want to be here. When I look at the number of women that we've had an opportunity to impact, because we showed up in our most authentic self, because we were vulnerable, because we did share our trials and tribulations and our victories.

I get why I'm here and then and then I have to continue to do this because there are not enough places like this. No, there certainly aren't. And there are more than enough people struggling. And for you to make that shift to come from an era that you did, from an upbringing that you did where you had no voice, to now be in this community where your story is super important and helpful to the people that you're in community with. Is is a beautiful thing for people to keep in mind about themselves and especially women. Listen, the game is rigged, but every time we show up, we move the needle, you know?

And it is important for us to keep showing up. It really. Especially now it is. And I, you know, fear that especially now, a lot of people are just saying to hell with it. Yeah. And I and as a, as a human, as a woman, you cannot do that. You cannot do that. I we have to show up for each other. And until women can show up for each other and show up for the world, we're not getting anywhere. I know that's all very simple, and it's been said a million times, but we really we really need to do it. And you're right. These are desperate times. Yeah, there's an awakening that is happening. It's clear if we remain silent, if we remain compliant, if we don't do the work in here, it's not going to get any better.

Like, people are literally dying right now. Sometimes the burden feels so heavy. But if each one of us takes a little piece of it, then it's not. Then it doesn't feel as heavy. And if you have a community of people that are like, yes, I see you, it's a it's a rough day today and I love you and I'm here for you. I may not be able to fix this stuff, but you just knowing that I'm here makes a huge difference. Does. And look at you. You're doing that every day. Yes. And if women can do that for each other out here in, you know, in this larger community, I think I'm totally on board. And that's we're going to continue to sort of raise ourselves up.

But you're right. We've got to figure out who we are deep inside. What about us is our authentic self? What is our path in life? What is it that we know we want to do with our lives compelled to do, versus the trauma that we carry that keeps us from being that true, authentic, loving, listening, human woman? And we have to really update our iOS system, right? What stories have been told to me that are not mine to carry? So first I need to understand that. And then, you know, we also have to understand the system that we operate in. We are operating in a system that does not look at love and power with dynamics as as success.

That's kind of who we are as humans. You know, that that idea of to love and be loved, like those are those concepts that that really, I think, enable us to be our full selves. Right? So now I'm looking at my system and I'm like, what is the story of being told? How am I operating in this place? And and how can I? How can I heal those places, those wounded places in me so I can show up, you know, for what's out there? Because, you know, if I'm not, if I'm not healing these places in me, it's so much harder for me to show up and be there for you. Yes, it's so much harder. That's why this conversation here is so vitally important.

And I think you for, for, for having it and for continuing to bring people on that talk about and now love without it, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, nothing. The world will continue to spiral out of control until we realize that that is our best tool. Yeah. Love. That's our best tool. It's our greatest human attribute. Love is the most resistant thing that we could do right now, because everything else is telling us to blow each other away. And you know, I would rather be in a relationship with you and and have those moments where, where there's reciprocity, then to then to be like, no, I can't trust, you know, I can't be.

That to me is the most resistant thing that, that we can do. And in the end, that's a much more tedious way to live a life, you know, sort of to maintain that separation. So it sounds like some of what you're talking about shows up at the Friendly house in that you, you start the process perhaps by, you know, let's talk about the trauma and the things that argue that, aren't you? What's your story? What do you what is real about the story? What isn't? And what parts of this do you want to keep? What do you give up? And you move forward from there? Yeah. And you basically learn, you know, it's like this is a design for living.

That's that's what Friendly House helps you, helps you get in touch with like this is this is not just a you come in and you make your like this is an actual design of living. Can we give you tools. Can we give you can we give you skills. Can can. Can we witness enough of you so that you could go out and do the things that you actually want to do. And, and when you fall down, you know, we want to be there to pick you up. The brain is obsessing about things that just are not important. Can we help? Can we help you shift your perspective? And it's literally rinse, repeat. Like it takes a while because you got to develop these new habits.

Yeah. And a person kind of has to come to it on their own, which is rinse and repeat because it's not going to happen on the first rinse. Yeah. And we get to so often there's this expectation that we got to get it right away. We can't make mistakes. We can't. You know and it's like you you absolutely are going to make mistakes. You absolutely are going to say the wrong things. You're going to do the wrong things. You're going to take the wrong actions. But what but what is probably different for you growing up in, you know, like for me, growing up in, in the disease of alcoholism, there was always these ruptures and no repair here.

We're going to help you repair those things, you know, without the the judgment, without the you're a bad person because you, you know, it's like, okay, well that happened. So whether options do you have, did you have can you do this differently now. Can you go back and go, wow, sorry. Said that without the feeling of I'm bad or I, you know, carrying shame for it's like none of that stuff is is helpful. You know, what's helpful is, is having these moments where where you're trying to do new things and people are holding space and going, yeah, that was great. Okay. How about this or oh, that didn't work very well.

How about that? You know, there's we don't have that out there. You make a mistake and people and people literally will cancel you. You know, we're saying like there's work to be done here. Let's do it together. And I think we we learn quickly about that cancellation. And that's and we adapt to that. And you hold back you you make a mistake, but you do everything you can to pretend like you didn't, or you cover it up or you're too afraid to say, oh, man, I just goofed up. I'm so sorry. Because what are the repercussions of that? Someone's going to recognize that you made a mistake. You're not perfect.

You're human. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. That's a tough one. It really is to think, you know, that we've been doing this for generations and that we pass it along to the next generation. And, I mean, we need more people like you who are sort of helping us unroll this and unravel it and say, okay, let's let's see what we can sort of get to. That's true, real, authentic. Which makes me wonder, what are you seeing in the women that come to you now versus when you first were introduced to the Friendly House? Are the issues that they're dealing with? Everybody has a unique story. Of course, everyone has a unique set of circumstances, but like you said, you grew up for.

You just drank out of the hose. You came home when you wanted to. Nobody was paying any attention. What do you see now? The themes are the same. You're talking about generational trauma. You're talking about neglect. You're talking about sexual abuse. You're talking about being discriminated against. You're talking about not having a voice. Those themes have have not changed in the 20 years. How we cope with it has changed, right? It used to be like straight alcohol. Now now we're seeing more probably substance use. Like people are like I'm going to take some pills, you know, and weed is, is is now like you can get it in all kinds of forms.

The way in which people medicate is different, but the themes and the and the reasons why are very much the same. And in your community at the Friendly House, how many people are in the house at a given time? So we have two houses, one in West LA and one the Normandy House, which is the one that's been around for 75 years. Ten people at each house and most of the folks will come with us. We hope that they'll stay for up to a year. Not everybody can. But the longer you stay better, your chances are those that stay for up to a year have like an 8,090% chance of of continuing on in their sobriety.

If you stay for 30, 60 days, that goes down to like 30%. I see, because you don't have any habits. Yeah. And you don't have a community. And we have this built in for Gitter as soon as I walk out the door. Was it that bad? Yes, it really was, you know, and and then when those moments come, your were where your mind goes. I just want to check out. And you don't have any habits. You don't have any community really that you that you've established, you're, you're likely to to go check out. And it only gets worse. I imagine that out of the typical 28 day program, there is some success. Some people go on to live a life that isn't guided by alcohol or drugs.

But is it, by and large, not that way. I mean, for for me, I can't imagine how you could come to all of this understanding about who you are and what you need to separate yourself from in that period of time, but it's so intriguing. You know, I don't like the life I'm living. I don't like that everything I do revolves around alcohol. I don't like that that's my go to. And boy, if I could just in 28 days, just be done with this and I have to go back to work. I've got my kids. I've got, you know, people to see. I mean, isn't that so enticing? Well, yeah, that's the lie. That's the lie that you'll somehow be cured of the things that took you years to get to.

And in those days, in any other market, if you had a 20 to 30% return on a success rate, you would look and go, we should probably do something different. Yeah, but you've got private equity companies and businesses that have that have that are turning a profit on people suffering, and they're telling them, you know, the, the lie that something that just manages your symptoms but doesn't provide recovery is going to heal you. And so you keep. Doing. It to you, exhaust all your resources, you die, or you get to a place where you understand that you need more. You know, the the beauty about being in community, especially a 12 step community, is it's free.

You don't have to pay for it. You show up one hour, you know, one hour a day or however many, and you get that self-identification. You get that feeling of of hope and recovery, and you and you witness somebody getting well, it changes the, the chemistry in your, in your brain. And if you do it long enough, instead of turning to a bottle or a drug, you turn to each other for that, for that sense of ease that was there before. So it changes the chemistry in your brain if you do it long enough. That thing that leads you to know that your solace is in that bottle is now replaced by finding that solace in your community.

You're literally changing the neural pathways in your brain. You're healing them. But again, all of that takes time. Like, you don't go to the gym and exercise for 28 days and go, where are my muscles? Right. You don't you don't go on a diet and you want to lose 50 pounds in 28 days. No. And at the end of 28 days, you don't. If you're exercising, you're not like, I'm done. Done. I'm, I'm I'm fixed. It takes. You have to it's maintenance. There's a spiritual component to this that you get by, by being in community with others and witnessing the, the the healing that happens. It is it is your personal, spiritual, whatever.

It is something that happens that I cannot put a a finger on other than for me, the the spiritual awakening comes when I react differently to my life, and I don't longer want to do the things that I did that were out of, out of alignment with, with who I am. We talk a lot on our program about love, spirit, love equaling spirit that if you are coming from a place where love is meaningful, that is something you give and receive that that is really a connection with spirit or whatever you would like to call spirit. But and that that is the thing that cures, that brings us together, that propels us forward.

Yeah. When I came to these rooms, when I came to Friendly House, I had a real problem with God because of the God that was again given to me, where it seemed like everything I did, I was going to go to house, you know, Catholic. And yeah. So when you came, did you even think that there was such a thing as God? I did, and I was mad because I felt like God had abandoned. Me. Because I didn't have an understanding. I do believe that religion in many ways is a social construct of control and the other. But this idea of of finding like, I knew that there's something out there greater than me, right?

Like my sponsor, when I first started, I was like, I don't want to talk about spirit or God, because where was God when all these things were happening to me as a child? And and she's like, hey, go to the ocean. She's like, I want you to go to the ocean, and I want you to stop a wave. And I was like, what? She's like, I want you to go to the ocean and stop a wave. And so I was like, okay, I'm. Going to go. So I go to the ocean, you know, and like Darth Vader. But I was like. You know, because I needed to have, like, this literal moment. Where I understand that there is more. Yeah. You know, how did I end up at Friendly House?

Right. There's some. How did I not die? There's something out there greater looking out for me. I was thinking all about those things as you've been talking, I mean. And look what a gift you are to all the women who who come to know you. And it took some time for me to really have my own understanding and relationship with, with a power greater than me. For me, I have to go back to some of my indigenous ways. And what I find is, is divine mother has been my my go to right now, the Divine feminine, divine Mother, my ancestors. You know, there's this there's this place in me that that for so long I kind of just cast it away because I thought that's what I needed to do to survive.

But there's a beauty of having this community, you know, like the Greeks had the gods and the this, you know, it's like, as long as it's not me. We're good. And so I get to. I'm developing this relationship. And now every every morning I pray and I meditate. At night I light a candle and we have a conversation. What would you have me know today? And most of the time, it's like you're loved, you know, because that's what I need to hear right now. And all of that stuff is happening out there that feels so threatening, you know, to know that I am loved and I am taken care of, and I am highly protected and guided and, you know, no matter what's going to happen.

I'm going to be okay, because I've got got all these souls around me. And all of us humans should be able to feel that this is obviously something that you're sharing with the women that you are helping. I mean, it's all I can think of to say is, thank you. Thank you so much for doing that. For all of these women who are really struggling. It has been unbelievably challenging, especially in the last couple of years. You know, funding has been cut, access has been cut, you know, and we've had to pivot so many times to keep the house open. I'm so sorry to hear that. It is what it is. Right. Well, and we're hearing that from just about everyone we speak with.

You know, it's a new struggle, a new struggle in a time where we desperately need even more help than ever. Yeah. And the ecosystem for many of our nonprofits, like we have just been kind of like just doing whatever we can to, to survive, because places like this can not close. And I'm going to be on the front lines fighting til there is no fight left. And and it's a bigger fight now. How do you find the time to add that bigger fight into what you are already doing? I just do because they did, I just do. I'm also in that stage where I'm now going into the latter part of my life, where we become the wise women, where we are the ones that are that are holding space and lighting the torch for others.

Right. So as much as I would love to take a break. Yeah. I'm like, I did this 30 years ago. Why am I doing it again? But it doesn't matter because I have been given my life back and my purpose is, is really in helping others so that this so that this lineage of, of empowering and lifting and elevating women can continue on because this is the thing that's going to help the next generation and the next generation. And, you know, so, you know, I made a decision, I'm going to take the hits, I'm going to do what I need to do. I'm going to go to therapy. So I have a place to to put it all. That's good.

And I'm going to keep on fighting because we have to. Those of us that are listening to you, how do we find you? How do we help you to? Is there a website or a place where one can go to? Yes. We're actually having our we have our 75th anniversary celebration on Saturday, October 17th. It's going to be at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel because that's where Pretty Woman was shot. Big mistake. Huge. No. We you know, it's one of our. It just it. Just seemed like the perfect place to have it. And we had and we've been having this for 30 some odd years and we started out there. And so it feels good that we're back.

So Beverly Wilshire Hotel, there are sponsorship opportunities you can donate. If you go to Friendly House LA, you'll see our event. You'll see donation links. So if you just wanted to send, you know, a gift or sponsor or come, you know, we're we're honoring Mary Fisher who has been an advocate for women, especially those that had Aids. Like she she spoke at the the convention in the 90s at the Republican convention, which was unheard of back then. Margaret Cho, who's been an absolute she's so fire, I love her. She is a personality who just she will go anywhere and do anything to help a cause that means something to her.

And she's been a friend to Friendly House for for decades. And she was she was actually on Celebrity Jeopardy! And and Celebrity Family Feud and used us as a charity and, you know, just always helping. There's like 6 or 7 women that were that we are honoring that all embody what it means to draw a line, stand for what you believe and fight with everything that you have, you know, to make sure that the next person has it easier. Come to the event, donate, give a gift. We're looking for silent auction items, and we're also looking to people to come and volunteer and, you know, help the women of the house, whether it's teaching life skills or running a group with us.

And, you know, so there's lots of ways to to help. Thank you. Thank you for sharing all of that. And if a woman is looking to come to the Friendly House, how does how did people find you? I know you, it was like kismet. Yeah. So again, like, our website is the best place to to go give our, our admissions phone number out. So if anybody. Okay. Thank you. Wanted to do find us but you know Friendly house la is is the best way to to contact us to get our number to donate to any of those things. And when women come to you and they understand that this is not going to be 28 days, I mean, they can leave at 28 days if they choose.

But when they come to you, are they is the intention that they plan to be there for a year? The intention is for them to be involved in the community for as long as possible. And so sometimes, you know, it's like so we have we have meetings, we have like a Thursday meeting that that people can come to. So it's like, listen, let's look at your life. What are you able to do and how can we how can we manage that if you if it means you live here for a short time, but you're willing to be plugged into our community and go to our meetings and do the things that we do, great. As the longer that you are engaged in the actual community, whether you're living at Friendly House or not, your chances for success or are infinitely bigger than if you just come in and leave you just you got to develop a habit, and we're willing to work with you as to how that looks.

Because it's unique to each. So people have kids. Some people have a job and their jobs only going to allow them to do A plus B, and there's a lot of of room to, to make sure that, that we can find something that works for you. Because at the end of the day, we just want you to be successful. That's that's great. So you're just sort of getting rid of the rules that, you know, a lot of us think that there's a group of rules that we must all abide by, and they apply to us equally. And it's not our best system. No, we have to understand that everybody, everybody's different. But the one thing that is constant is, is the longer you stay engaged, the better your chances are.

So how do we do that? And I and I love that you come from that with such confidence. And, you know, even statistics that proved that out for sure. And it seems like your your program is so fabulous. You how do you. There must be so many women who need your help. But you can't you can't help them all. You only have so much space. Yeah. I mean, because we are a nonprofit and we're not a big corporation like we. I can't spend tons of money on Google ads or any of that kind of stuff. It's literally word of mouth. It can be really daunting, but anytime that a woman is looking for a place to actually heal and recover, we hope that they find from the house.

And if we're not a good fit. There are. There are others in our ecosystem that that we work with, you know? So even if you're like, I'm not sure what do I need? Call us, because at least we can help you get to where you need to be. And if it's not with us, then, you know, I have I have our sister places that that we that we know and trust that if it's not with us, we can find you another place that that will help you. That's awesome. Thank you very, very much for that. And if that will be really helpful. And thank you for everything that you've shared today. And you're just the biggest, most beautiful gift to the world.

And, you know, you came from not wanting to be on this planet. My goodness. And you and your son dodgeball and the whole thing. I mean, it's just just a beautiful, beautiful story. And we're so, so grateful that you're here with us. Thank you. And we are so happy to bring light to the Friendly house. I'm sure it has a light on it. And now a little bigger light. Yeah, we really could use help, so. Please donate if you can. Yes. Everything helps. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. Please follow and share this podcast. Super important. Pass this episode along to everyone you know. This is and now love.

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